The Ultimate Winner

The Ultimate Winner

We have all grown up hearing the much famous line, “Life is a race”. It has been a part of our childhood, schooling, career, etc. It has been accepted by everyone and is being lived by everyone. For centuries it has been passed on to the future generations like an ancient prophecy necessary for life to sustain. And so we are taught ways and educated in skills required to win this race. Winning has thus become the primary motive in life for, if not all but most of us. The winner is loved and hailed by all; everybody wants to be like the winner. And the loser?  Well, who cares about the loser; nobody wants to be like the loser. But the minute that loser becomes a winner, everyone loves him/her too. The cycle continues and everybody enjoys it. Now, of course, the parameters of winning and losing are also set by us.
Everybody wants the best school, best college, the best house, the best dress, the best job with the highest package and so on. There is also absolutely nothing wrong in wanting the “best” but what is important to note here is that is the best thing actually the best for you?  Have you ever wondered that if this life really is a race then what is it that we racing for and who are we competing against?
Frankly, I believe that in this chaos and fuss of winning and losing the real meaning of life is lost. We are all running this race because we believe that winning will bring us happiness. You know in life the real search is not for success or money, it is for happiness because we believe that by getting all that we will be happy. Sadly however it doesn’t turn out that way for most of us. Do you know why? It is because we are all running after things that others want for us; because we want to prove ourselves to others, for their acknowledgement of our existence. And this is exactly why satisfaction and happiness are a lost cause.
The truth is that this race that we are all running, we are running for no one else but us. The truth also is that there is only one person we are constantly competing against in life, and that is “ourselves”. By this I do not mean to degrade the idea of competition when it comes to getting into an institute or getting a job or anything like that; that is necessary too. But I am talking about the bigger picture here, the picture called life. Now, the sooner you realize that this is your race alone the faster you will become its master and more fruitful will the journey be for you. It is this realization that will help you actually become the winner because it is this that will truly make you happy. And the ultimate winner in life is the one who is happy because to be happy from within is actually one of the most difficult things in life. It is easy to show that you are happy but being happy is a different thing all together. It is easy to smile from the lips but the real smile is the one that comes from the eyes and that happens only when you are happy from within; when your soul is happy. And the soul will be happy when you do things you actually want and not what others want from you.
The secret of winning the race of life is simple. It is to be happy because happiness is what makes you powerful. It is only then that you will be satisfied because you will be living and doing your passion and not living a life of chaos and confusion. Learn to take control of your life and be clear about what you want from it. There is no point in reaching the finish line and not being happy because in your heart you’d know that whatever you achieved was only because they wanted it. But that race would be over, nothing you do then will undo it. However, right now you can because right now it is still in your hands. Remember always that you will never be able to live your life to the fullest so long as you try to live up to others. It is only when you live up to yourself that others will look up to you because in all the chaos it is you then who will stand out clear and confident. It is then that you will truly inspire. Because you shall be the ultimate winner.

“The eyes of a true winner sparkle. You’ll see the brilliance, the peace and the intelligibility. But what will leave you dazzled is the happiness in them.”

Be happy. Be a winner.

The Blame Game

The Blame Game

Most of us play this game often and sadly most of us enjoy it too. Isn’t it always easier to blame others for our mistakes? Blaming always seems so convenient. You might not agree with me on the part about enjoying it, but take a minute and think about it honestly, you’ll know for yourself whether it is true or not. But in this game of blaming each other, have you ever thought about who the loser and who the winner is?

Well, I can’t say who stands the winner; honestly I don’t think there is any. But I am sure about who the loser is. The loser is no one else but the one who blames. I have always wondered as to what is it that makes us fall prey to this vicious habit. Come to think of it, I guess blaming is in some way like a ‘luxury’ and it is the kind that not just spoils you but also causes tribulations for you. It is a luxury that overwhelms you with its false glamour that always projects you as a person who seems to be doing everything right in his or her life. It makes you sympathise with yourself; always putting life and people as unfair to you. But remember that every time you blame, you are marked with a scar of weakness. And you will eventually either for your own good realise that it is no else but ‘you’ who is responsible for your life or else unfortunately these scars will consume you to the point that you would have lost your individuality.

But the bigger question here is, why do we blame at all? Are we not in charge of our own life? Or are we ashamed of acknowledging our failures and weaknesses or the person that we are? Or is it simply the easiest way out?

Be it career, education, relationships or any other situation in life, blaming is a futile exercise and the only thing you are doing is spending too much energy finding excuses for not being what you are capable of being. Blaming is not the easiest way out; it is in fact the most terrible way out.

Nobody is perfect. We are bound to make the wrong choices and fall short of accomplishing our goals sometimes. And it is okay to do so. There will be times when you will be successful and other times when you won’t. The fact of the matter is that you do not fail when you are not successful in achieving your aim, you fail when you blame others for the same. Believe me you will continue to be a non-achiever for as long as you do that. What you should actually be doing is to look at where you went wrong and then improvise. Blaming only complicates things; it certainly is not a solution to any problem.

Even in the case of relationships, there are times when we find that people do not reciprocate as we expect them to. This obviously disturbs us and we often blame them for the misery we go through. But, then we are again are looking at the picture in the wrong way. People around us mostly treat us the way we allow them to. If people take us for granted it is because we allow them to, if people think of us as weak or make fun of us, it is only because we allow them to. People often end up blaming others instead of looking at themselves and the things they have been doing or things that they ought to do now. Maybe if you could change the way you react or do certain things? Or maybe you need to simply let go and move on? Well, relationships are tricky and sometimes they get too complicated to understand but surely there lies no point in always blaming the other person. It will only cloud your judgement or understanding of the situation. When things go wrong, you’ve got to try to work it out and try it till the point you think you can, beyond that you can only let time be the healer. And sometimes you need to simply let go. Believe me there lies no good in holding a grudge against someone ever, for it only corrupts your mind with negativity. Always remember the good things that people do. And if there is no good, then learn your lesson from the bad things and move on.

Remember that this is your life. You can either control it or let others control it for you. It is when you blame that you allow others to control your life. Thereafter, it is a life full of frustration, anger and misery; there is hardly any peace in your life. So learn to take control of your life. Take on the challenges that life throws at you with great audacity. And STOP blaming. You and you alone are the ‘master’ of your life; of your fate!

                                                                         

“When you blame others, you give up the power to change”- Dr Robert Anthony

Working with CRY

Working with CRY:
A life changing experience

So it was summer 2012. My first year in my engineering course was over and I was home on a two month long vacation. Two months is a very long time and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do during my break. However, my father had told me about this internship programme at CRY that he had read about in the newspaper and I was looking forward to joining it. I had always wanted to do something like that, to be a part of a NGO and understand how they go about tackling all the societal issues. So on the morning of June 3, 2012 I headed for the CRY office in Saket, Delhi. They have their volunteers meeting on Sundays. And there began my journey with CRY.
I took up their theatre workshop programme. My thoughts on the workshop were something like this: so they’ll give us all a script, make us recite the parts and then decide on the part we played best. But it was nothing like that. We were a group of thirty people. We came from all over the city and so mostly none of us knew each other. Our guide made us do all sorts of activities. We also discussed and shared our own experiences and opinions on child abuse, child labour, the RTE Act etc. It was through these activities and discussions that we got to know each other’s strengths and slowly a group of 30 strangers became a team. So within a span of six days we all became great friends and were able to prepare a beautiful script for our street play. We were all highly motivated, felt great pride in what we were doing and were all set to move the hearts of the people watching us; to make a difference in our own little way. Our first performance at the Indian Habitat Centre was a great success and there after we performed the play all over Delhi.
Throughout this journey with CRY, the thing that fascinated me the most was the power that lies in human emotions. A little hope, a little encouragement, a smile, a shoulder to cry upon or some time to share; these “little” things have the power to change someone’s life; millions of lives. To be able to make or change someone else’s life is a great responsibility to take on; for making one’s own life isn’t any easy business either. But people have done this. They have fought for the rights of their fellow humans; some have even laid down their lives. But change has been brought about. CRY helped me to realise that however slow the process of change may be, if our efforts are honest the aim will be accomplished.
Encouraged by my experience at CRY, I decided to start a small group in my college, with the help of CRY. So after getting a few friends as volunteers and all the permission work settled, the group began its journey. We often talked to children and their families around our college campus. We also went to a government school in a village, on the outskirts of our city. Believe me, the joy and contentment we felt after interacting with those children is something that is not easy to put into words. Every time that we visited them, on our way back, most of us had happy tears and in our minds millions of questions and thoughts. Thoughts like how we have had such a comfortable childhood and yet so much to complain about. And how these children have not had an easy life and the moment they see a little hope somewhere, they are thrilled. They are always eager to learn and grasp whatever life has to offer to them. And they are not just energetic but intelligent and quick at learning too. They are just as lovely as any child could be and yet life has not been as sweet for them as it has been for so many of us! Isn’t it ironical that we have so many opportunities and facilities and yet so much to complain about and these children have hardly any opportunities and they hardly complain? In fact, they try to make the most out of the opportunity at their hand.
It was through interactions with these children that my friends and I got to learn so many things; looking at life from their eyes helped us broaden our perspective on life. They made us realise the value of a smile, of time, of the gifts life had given us, of the pampering we received from our family and most importantly of our responsibility towards society. I believe that there is no one else but us to blame for what these children have suffered and are continuing to suffer; each one of us in the society is equally responsible. Sadly though for various reasons our group has not really been able to help these children much besides listening to them, playing with them and putting a smile to their face. But what I know for sure is that in the near future, in our own little ways each one of us will surely do something about this.
Well, I always knew that there is life beyond us and there are difficulties much greater than the ones we face. But through CRY I got to experience it. It has helped me add a new meaning and dimension to the way I looked at and understood life. And from what I have learnt I would like to share a thought with you: ‘Take a little time out of your busy schedules and add a new dimension to your life; there is much we can do to make this world a better place to be in for one and all’. I know you must have heard it often but it is true. We can make a difference. Think about it!

Cheers to CRY and all the other NGOs and people who work for the society.
Cheers to Sanya and Ramon! You guys made it all the more special in Delhi. Both of you are such amazing people and I am glad that we still keep in touch!
Cheers to all my friends who volunteered to be a part of the college group.

The Other Family

The Other Family

Family! I hear this word and a smile draws upon my face. I’m sure it must be the same for most of you. So, what exactly is a family? Who makes a family what it actually is? You look up a dictionary and it defines family as: a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head or a group of persons of common ancestry.  Yes, of course on the surface maybe this is exactly what a family is but I’m sure this is not what occurs to our mind when we think of a family; our family.

To me a family is a place where we can be our true selves. It is a place that nurtures us into the wonderful individuals we are, that corrects us when we are wrong, criticises or advises us when we become too full of ourselves, comforts us when we feel too feeble, supports us through thick and thin and loves unconditionally. It is a very special kind of bonding; a bonding of love, care, understanding, belief, hope, faith, compassion and trust. Of course anger, hurt, jealousy, competence etc are there too but never without a dose of love and care. A family includes parents, grandparents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, and pets and so on.

But today what I want to actually write about is not this family; I am here to write about my other family. And this other family includes the little things that have made my family complete, that have given my family a meaning and millions of memories to ponder, chat, laugh and share a tear upon.

I can never forget and part from the first doll my father gifted me: Daisy. I still clearly remember how happy I was when my father bought her for me and also how my mother would help me dress her up. The ice cream my Dadi would make for us. It has  been years since I have had it but till date I remember the taste it had, the way it would melt in my mouth and most importantly the love and affection with which dadi would make it, cooking for hours on the gas and how after every meal she would give it to us. It was the yummiest ice cream I had ever had and will always continue to be so.

My book collection: from my first novel, Heidi, to the latest ones; looking at them fills my heart with a sense of pride. Believe me whenever I feel a little low, I go see my books; read my favorite parts in them and I feel happy again. I also have this milk mug of mine since class three. It has always been my favorite. It has these three different kinds of houses imprinted on it and as a little girl while I would be drinking milk I would always think about which one I would like to stay in. I now keep it with me in hostel. Then, there is this one family photograph that my mother always keeps somewhere in the drawing room and every time that I enter home, I always look at it. The teddies that I keep with me, gifted by my dearest friends, the hankie my badi nani gave me, the old scarf my mother used in her younger days, me and my sister’s baby clothes, the old jewelry boxes, etc etc etc.

There are so many of these little things, without which home wouldn't seem like home to me. I can go on and on about them. The ones that I mentioned are probably the closest and most special to me. Even in my hostel room I have many of these little things; things that remind me of how lucky I am to have certain people in my life, that remind of me of the reasons that have made me what I am today and that remind me how beautiful life is every time I look at them.To me they are like a blessing, like a bond that has added so much more meaning to life and I thank God for them. These little things, it's like they add different colours to our house or my hostel room rather my life, making it more vibrant and cheerful! With them around me I can never feel alone; they make home feel so much cosier and safer. They mean the world to me and form a very essential part of my existence. And for as long as I live, I will always cherish them. After all they are like a family to me; my other family!

Dedicated to my beloved dadi. Not a day passes by when I don't remember you. You inspire me. I love you.

The Energy Within

The Energy Within

Energy exists in various forms in nature and so does it inside all of us. Happiness, anxiety, excitement, laziness, thrill, worry, fear, relief; these are just a few examples of the different forms of energy within us. They can be classified broadly into the conventional groups of positive energy and negative energy.

We all know how important it is to remain positive in life and hence it is advisable to hold onto the positive energy or to build positive energy inside us. Happiness, excitement, contentment, thrill etc are all positive energies. They inculcate in us this reservoir of confidence about ourselves and our life. They make us humble, understanding and mature. They enable us to make other people happy by helping them, listening to them or sharing a smile with them. Also, being a positive person enables us to be a successful one as well. One can go on and on about the goodness and wonderful effects of positive energy. We have millions of books, articles, talk shows etc to state them. But what about the negative energy within us?  Yes, we do have endless books and talk shows stating their demerits and how important it is to get rid of them and how to do so and all that. But it is always easier said than done, right?

So what do we do about this negativity inside us? Allow me to help you. I know how it feels to have these feelings inside you; I have had them to and still do. It’s in our nature. I also know how frustrating it gets when you know that you want to get rid of them, you may even know the way out but somehow they are still there; like a frenzy. We may come across some good book, hear a nice talk show or maybe share our feelings with someone we are comfortable with and for a while we feel good again. For some of us this does the trick. But for most of us the negativity comes back soon. We feel irritated and angry at ourselves, our life and everything around us. We don’t feel like doing anything; it is as though we have no energy within. And it is a terrible state to be in.

Energy as we know has immense power; power that has great possibilities. All one needs to do is to put this energy to right use. The thing about positive energy is that it makes us feel good about everything around us, its keeps our mind calm and hence we are able to make great stories out of it. This however isn't the case with negative energy. It usually ends up clouding our mind with many layers of unwanted thoughts and results in our self-confidence taking a plunge downwards. But like I said energy put in the right direction gives rise to great opportunities and possibilities; so will this negative energy inside you. Anger, vengeance, frustration, failure, betrayal; all these feelings have given this world the history it takes pride in. This happened only because the people who felt them put those forms of negative energy in the right direction. Believe me if you figure this out for yourself, you will begin to feel so much better. Everything around you will seem nicer and life will become merrier. Make a list of all the things that you love doing or have always wanted to do and whenever you begin to feel that negative energy burning inside you, start doing one of the things on your list. Engage that energy inside you to do things that make you feel good. I have done this for myself and have felt the change. Try doing this and I am sure you will feel the change too.

You all must remember the rule about energy: energy can never be created or destroyed; it only changes its form of existence. This is exactly what you will see happening to yourself. Your restlessness will soon turn into calmness and frustration into inner peace. Things that earlier seemed impossible, will now finally begin to happen for you. The ripples of negativity that tore you apart will now change into winds of calmness that will soothe you. Just be a little more patient and hold on to your faith a little while longer, you will soon see the magic of energy within.

Fear!

Fear!

 We all have things we are afraid of facing or doing. Fears are many in number. We have small fears, big fears and some of us have crazy fears! But I guess when you are experiencing it, they all are the same. The same feeling of blood rushing through your veins, your heart beat getting quicker by the second and in the midst of all this a little hope in our heart that tells us everything is going to be fine.

So well I have always been a brave girl; guess that comes to you naturally when you are an army officer’s daughter. Believe me I wasn't afraid even the day my father was getting ready for a war! But soon I realized that I wasn't as brave as I thought I was. As I grew up there were these two things that I have always felt great fear from- earthquakes and plane crashes. The answer to the question why these two so much is something I am yet to figure out. Earthquakes probably because I have experienced a few; the major one’s that struck my country. However, it was not my death that disturbed me as a little girl aged 10 when I was reading articles about the Gujarat earthquake (2001) or later on about the Kashmir earthquake in 2008. What hit me the hardest was the thought that in those few seconds of disaster that so many of us experienced I survived and so many people died. And this very thought would not allow me to sleep for months at a stretch. I have always wondered why that happens, how God makes those choices; I would cry when alone thinking about it. When I asked my mother she told me that this how nature works and that we hold no power when it comes to nature; certainly not as much as we think we do.

The fear I developed for plane crashes happens to be more severe. As a kid I used to watch these air crash investigation shows on television. I was always very eager to watch them for I believed that if ever I got stuck in a situation like that I would be better prepared; well you see my bravery instinct as a kid. I again happened to watch them recently. This time however watching them made me develop a fear of flights. Imagine for a girl who loves travelling and who wants to travel the world, flights had now become a fear! Again it wasn't the death; it was the torture that one must have to go through for the last few seconds in the flight that disturbed me.

So a month ago I happened to have faced my fear; fear of flights. To add to it I was travelling all alone. I was scared as hell. Never before in my life had I experienced fear the way I did that day on my two flights. My first flight was a short one, for just about an hour but the entire time on flight I couldn't relax for even a single second. I was praying to God the whole time and my heart beat was like on a roll. So after my first flight landed, I felt a little relieved for I was back on mother earth. But as the time for my next flight was closing in, I kept getting more and more restless. I almost had tears in my eyes when I was boarding it. A part of me was like how am I going to survive this flight when in my last flight I was crazy scared and this one had a duration of two and a half hours! Another part of me was however laughing at my crazy behavior  It kept telling me how I was being stupid about it; millions of people travel this way and that it is going to be safe. So I managed to calm down myself a little on my next flight. But the relief I felt when my plane landed was beyond measure.

So that night feeling very safe and happy at home I thought about it. I wondered why I was so scared that day and of what. Though I said to myself that there is nothing to worry about for now the fear is gone; but I was obviously lying to myself. So I finally decided to write about it. Now that I have written about it and poured out my heart I feel so much lighter. Though I don’t know if it is the happiness of writing it all out or that of my fear fading away. But one thing that I know for sure is that fear is nothing more than a wall we create around ourselves that blindfolds us. It is like a blockage in our head. And the faster we get rid of it the better. Fears only prevent us from enjoying our life to the fullest. Don’t they? So well, as I end this article I hope so does the blockage in my head.

Cheers to hope!

Oh Shut the Hell Up!

Oh Shut the Hell Up!

I know that is a rude thing to say. But sometimes that is exactly what you need to tell yourself. More specifically to your brain, to the part of it that fills up your head with all the things that are not so important as to take up that much space in there; in your life.

 Our mind is a beautiful and complex creation of nature; oozing with millions of thoughts, emotions and ideas all the time. It is capable of things that know no boundary and hence is highly valued. World’s greatest minds have given this world what not! I have always felt great admiration for it. I believe our brain is divided into these three parts- strong, neutral and weak. The strong and neutral parts are good. They are clear on what they want, how to precede, how to take in things, tackle issues, prioritise and so on. They know usually what’s best for us and are seldom afraid. They basically help us to be the best we can in every possible situation of our life. They are like our mentors and so whatever they create in our head is mostly for our better.

It is the weak part that bothers us the most. Believe me the good parts will vouch for that. And it happens to be extremely shrewd as well; it takes over our mind very quickly. It is the part that makes us think about all the issues that we know are least important and about people that we know don’t really matter. It makes us think about what others think of us; by others I am referring to the people who have no value in our life, the kind of people that instil our minds with negativity and the kind who will always try to pull us down. It makes us feel gloomy about ourselves and our life by creating a web of negative thoughts. Thoughts that pull us down, make us fearful and make us believe that everything in our life has gone wrong, that life has been unfair to us. This part of our brain makes us weak. And it is this very weakness that leads us into the realm of depression, setbacks, dejection and self-underestimation; sometimes sadly into the wretched world of hatred, betrayal, injustice, war and murder.

This is our very own stress creator. It masters in making us less worthy of what we are by making us waste our time. Do not let this part control you. Learn to shut it up! Learn to put it to a rest and then to slowly train it to become capable of doing worthy thinking. It is surely a very difficult thing to do. This part of our brain is a big fighter. So we take the lesson of being a fighter from it to become a better one. That’ll probably be the best and only worthy lesson it has to offer to you. Think wisely, you are a person capable of so much more, of doing amazing things for yourself, your family and the world. So would you just let go of it all by paying heed to those obnoxious thoughts and there-by becoming your own biggest hindrance to living a life you truly deserve?

Well, not every thought can be a mark of intelligence but neither can every thought be worthy of evaluation. And mostly we all know which thoughts need to be dealt with. So, next time don’t even think twice about saying “shut up” to them.           

Cheers to healthy thinking!