Fear!
We all have things we
are afraid of facing or doing. Fears are many in number. We have small fears,
big fears and some of us have crazy fears! But I guess when you are
experiencing it, they all are the same. The same feeling of blood rushing
through your veins, your heart beat getting quicker by the second and in the
midst of all this a little hope in our heart that tells us everything is going
to be fine.
So well I have always been a brave girl; guess that comes to
you naturally when you are an army officer’s daughter. Believe me I wasn't afraid even the day my father was getting ready for a war! But soon I realized that I wasn't as brave as I thought I was. As I grew up there were these two
things that I have always felt great fear from- earthquakes and plane crashes.
The answer to the question why these two so much is something I am yet to
figure out. Earthquakes probably because I have experienced a few; the major
one’s that struck my country. However, it was not my death that disturbed me as
a little girl aged 10 when I was reading articles about the Gujarat earthquake
(2001) or later on about the Kashmir earthquake in 2008. What hit me the
hardest was the thought that in those few seconds of disaster that so many of
us experienced I survived and so many people died. And this very thought would
not allow me to sleep for months at a stretch. I have always wondered why that
happens, how God makes those choices; I would cry when alone thinking about it.
When I asked my mother she told me that this how nature works and that we hold no
power when it comes to nature; certainly not as much as we think we do.
The fear I developed for plane crashes happens to be more
severe. As a kid I used to watch these air crash investigation shows on
television. I was always very eager to watch them for I believed that if ever I
got stuck in a situation like that I would be better prepared; well you see my
bravery instinct as a kid. I again happened to watch them recently. This time
however watching them made me develop a fear of flights. Imagine for a girl who
loves travelling and who wants to travel the world, flights had now become
a fear! Again it wasn't the death; it was the torture that one must have to go
through for the last few seconds in the flight that disturbed me.
So a month ago I happened to have faced my fear; fear of
flights. To add to it I was travelling all alone. I was scared as hell. Never
before in my life had I experienced fear the way I did that day on my two
flights. My first flight was a short one, for just about an hour but the entire
time on flight I couldn't relax for even a single second. I was praying to God
the whole time and my heart beat was like on a roll. So after my first flight
landed, I felt a little relieved for I was back on mother earth. But as the
time for my next flight was closing in, I kept getting more and more restless.
I almost had tears in my eyes when I was boarding it. A part of me was like how
am I going to survive this flight when in my last flight I was crazy scared and
this one had a duration of two and a half hours! Another part of me was however
laughing at my crazy behavior It kept telling me how I was being stupid about
it; millions of people travel this way and that it is going to be safe. So I
managed to calm down myself a little on my next flight. But the relief I felt
when my plane landed was beyond measure.
So that night feeling very safe and happy at home I thought
about it. I wondered why I was so scared that day and of what. Though I said to
myself that there is nothing to worry about for now the fear is gone; but I was
obviously lying to myself. So I finally decided to write about it. Now that I
have written about it and poured out my heart I feel so much lighter. Though I don’t
know if it is the happiness of writing it all out or that of my fear fading
away. But one thing that I know for sure is that fear is nothing more than a
wall we create around ourselves that blindfolds us. It is like a blockage in
our head. And the faster we get rid of it the better. Fears only prevent us
from enjoying our life to the fullest. Don’t they? So well, as I end this
article I hope so does the blockage in my head.
Cheers to hope!
I don't know how to start and fear going wayward.I'm not even sure if you'll read my comment in its entirety or skip it.I once wrote a post about you on MNNIT proposals and adopted a pseudonym guido fawkes to reply to some comments which were made.In hindsight I'm not
ReplyDeleteeven sure if my action was justified.
Well,leaving that aside,I read all your posts and was left mesmerised,enthralled and spellbound.Initially,I decided to write my
appraisal on each post separately in their chronological order but finally chose to do that in one comment itself.I have got my own
set of fears and I desperately want to get rid of them.However,I believe that fear can be classified into rational and irrational,
though to some extent they transcend into each other.I consider myself a bit acrophobic but I'll put that in the former category as it
keeps me miles away from any untoward danger.I also fear failure and ironically failure has become an indispensable part of my
life.This has though,to some extent,resulted in fear of failure loosening its manacles over me.I'll put this fear in the latter
category as it has stopped me from achieving many things I could have.As far as your fears are concerned,I feel it is not the danger
but the plight and trauma of those who have experienced these two tragedies that bothers you.I don't have any vivid memories of the
time when earthquake hit Gujarat but the 26/11 attack certainly stirred the deepest trenches of my soul.I'm not scared of being caught in the midst of a terrorist attack but the sufferings of the survivors and the kith and kin of those who die certainly scares me.What
you experienced during Gujarat tragedy was actually,in my opinion,not your fear but your concern and apathy towards the victims.It is
not actually fear but one of its many manifestations and this is what separates humans from barbarians.So,I feel only those fears should be shunned which are irrational and not those which make us who we are.
Oh Shut the Hell Up!
This is what I believe you must be wondering if you are still reading as i have gone on incessantly for too long now.I totally agree
with everything you have written on this post but personally I'm a pessimist.It is really difficult to block the negative thoughts
from creeping into one's consciousness and it becomes all the more difficult when one loses one's sheen in one's own eyes.To rise like
a phoenix is something very few are capable of and this is what ultimately separates great men from commoners.Thinking about winning
on the brink of defeat requires many virtues like grit,determination and perseverance but unfortunately either they are possessed by
few or the weak side of the brain(as written by you) stops them from exerting their influence.But it's still worth a shot to try to
control the weak part from dominating and wrecking havoc in our life.
So,if you have read till now and haven't given up,you may be wondering that it was a
ReplyDeleteMISTAKE or a decision that went terribly wrong.
Though I,on my part,sincerely hope that it's not the case.As is obvious,this post of yours talks about the decisions gone wrong and
the futility of pondering over them.Most mortals make their share of bad decisions and spend considerable time reminiscing and
repenting them.And some particular decisions just stand apart.They bring the world crashing down and give people sleepless nights to
the extent that they often get delirious and think that their life has reached its nadir.But some people do manage to get their act
together as if some epiphany struck them.You hit the nail on its head when you describe why it's important to move on after making a
bad decision and how such decisions are nothing but part of a continuous learning curve in this cycle called life.
Deep in my heart,I know poetry is not as easy to understand as prose and understanding it becomes all the more difficult when one
can't put himself/herself into the shoes of the poet/poetess.I have no idea about the kind of emotions you had while writing this and
if my limited competence has grasped everything you want to convey or not.As mentioned by you that it was written during a tough
time,it is interspersed with elements of painful memories,eerie sensantions of being trapped,excruciating pain and a hope of the
heralding of a new era.I obviously have no idea why you had these emotions at the first place.I won't embarass myself further by
trying to analyse something my limited grey cells can't make head or tail of.Well,whatever the reasons were I'm damn sure your friends
must have given their valuable support as you seem very fond of them.And like you I would also like to raise
A toast to friendship
I feel blessed to have some amazing friends who make me feel special.I made some amazing friends in my school days and then some here
at MNNIT.They have ensured that I'll vividly remember most of the days of my sojourn at MNNIT for the rest of my life.I feel that
things like competitiveness are initially there but with time a special bond forms and most start taking pride in their friend's
achievement as if it was their own.
The fact that you have changed ten schools and two colleges and have been to almost every corner of the country makes me wonder about
the different insights and perspectives you must have gained.It's great that you started this blog.Now others too can get privy to
those experiences.It would be great if you write a post detailing the differences and similarities you saw in different corners.And
what were the things that made all those places special.
I know that you are a Federer fan and would like to read your opinion about his recent dip in form.Also which player apart from
Federer impresses you the most.I'm a Nadal fan but Delpo's resurgence has impressed me a lot.The way he played in the Wimbledon
semifinal against Djokovic just caught me off guard.His resilience was remarkable and that performance proved that 2009 wasn't just a
flash in the pan.It will be great for the game if he steps up and takes Federer's position in the top 4 as Federer,I believe,is now
past his prime.I don't want to offend you by saying that but personally I don't like seeing the greatest player of my time getting
whipped by every Tom,Dick and Harry.I had no idea that I'll end up writing all this gibberish and maybe bore you to sleep(if you
haven't yet) with it.
Au revoir.
Guido Fawkes,
ReplyDeleteIt seems you have gone terribly wrong in even posting your comments.
Instead of commenting on what the writer intends to convey you have wavered onto her personal issues, which is not appropriate. A blog is not meant for that. So don't fake yourself - you Fawkes
I have a lot of fears in my life and keep giving myself a complex about that but now I am relieved that everyone has some fearful things that they face in life !!!!
ReplyDeleteSolution is not to ignore or run away but to fight with them!!
Absolutely right. :)
ReplyDelete