The Blame Game
Most of us play this game often and sadly
most of us enjoy it too. Isn’t it always easier to blame others for our
mistakes? Blaming always seems so convenient. You might not agree with me on
the part about enjoying it, but take a minute and think about it honestly,
you’ll know for yourself whether it is true or not. But in this game of blaming
each other, have you ever thought about who the loser and who the winner is?
Well, I can’t say who stands the winner;
honestly I don’t think there is any. But I am sure about who the loser is. The
loser is no one else but the one who blames. I have always wondered as to what is it that makes
us fall prey to this vicious habit. Come to think of it, I guess blaming is in
some way like a ‘luxury’ and it is the kind that not just spoils you but also
causes tribulations for you. It is a luxury that overwhelms you with its false
glamour that always projects you as a person who seems to be doing everything
right in his or her life. It makes you sympathise with yourself; always putting
life and people as unfair to you. But remember that every time you blame, you
are marked with a scar of weakness. And you will eventually either for your own
good realise that it is no else but ‘you’ who is responsible for your life or
else unfortunately these scars will consume you to the point that you would
have lost your individuality.
But the bigger question here is, why do we
blame at all? Are we not in charge of our own life? Or are we ashamed of
acknowledging our failures and weaknesses or the person that we are? Or is it
simply the easiest way out?
Be it career, education, relationships or
any other situation in life, blaming is a futile exercise and the only thing
you are doing is spending too much energy finding excuses for not being what
you are capable of being. Blaming is not the easiest way out; it is in fact the
most terrible way out.
Nobody is perfect. We are bound to make the
wrong choices and fall short of accomplishing our goals sometimes. And it is
okay to do so. There will be times when you will be successful and other times
when you won’t. The fact of the matter is that you do not fail when you are not
successful in achieving your aim, you fail when you blame others for the same.
Believe me you will continue to be a non-achiever for as long as you do that.
What you should actually be doing is to look at where you went wrong and then
improvise. Blaming only complicates things; it certainly is not a solution to
any problem.
Even in the case of relationships, there
are times when we find that people do not reciprocate as we expect them to.
This obviously disturbs us and we often blame them for the misery we go
through. But, then we are again are looking at the picture in the wrong way. People
around us mostly treat us the way we allow them to. If people take us for
granted it is because we allow them to, if people think of us as weak or make
fun of us, it is only because we allow them to. People often end up blaming
others instead of looking at themselves and the things they have been doing or
things that they ought to do now. Maybe if you could change the way you react
or do certain things? Or maybe you need to simply let go and move on? Well,
relationships are tricky and sometimes they get too complicated to understand
but surely there lies no point in always blaming the other person. It will only
cloud your judgement or understanding of the situation. When things go wrong,
you’ve got to try to work it out and try it till the point you think you can,
beyond that you can only let time be the healer. And sometimes you need to
simply let go. Believe me there lies no good in holding a grudge against
someone ever, for it only corrupts your mind with negativity. Always remember
the good things that people do. And if there is no good, then learn your lesson
from the bad things and move on.
Remember that this is your life. You can
either control it or let others control it for you. It is when you blame that
you allow others to control your life. Thereafter, it is a life full of
frustration, anger and misery; there is hardly any peace in your life. So learn
to take control of your life. Take on the challenges that life throws at you
with great audacity. And STOP blaming. You and you alone are the ‘master’ of
your life; of your fate!
“When you blame others, you give up the power to
change”- Dr Robert Anthony
Brilliant !! Courage, the best of all the virtues, is what this piece imparts :)
ReplyDeletethank you Kritika:)
Deletei like your thought process. god bless you!
ReplyDeletethank you ma:)
DeleteInteresting analysis. I, however, beg to differ on a few counts.Blaming is an essential part of getting over failures,debacles and losses. The mind,in its meanderings,starts assigning blame and these thoughts flare up no matter how hard the resolve.What is more important is not actually suppressing these thoughts but rather ensuring that one doesn't dwell over them for long.And there is a very fine line between analysis of a failure/tragedy (an indispensable requirement)and the initiation of a blame game.Are we not assigning blame (may be subconsciously) while analyzing.Analysis and blame game tend to mix and it is their inherent nature.You said that one should not blame others for one's own mistakes.However,it is again very difficult to segregate failures and tragedies into those which were the result of one's own actions and those which were influenced by external factors.It is all very convoluted and your attempt is just an oversimplification of a much complex issue.Some examples where assigning blame is important:1) A sports team loses in a major event. Isn't that right on the part of the selectors to assign blame on the shoulders of the players who failed to perform. However,they may also blame themselves for selecting those players in the first players.Now, here assigning blame becomes very important for all future improvements. This particular example seems like a very puerile attempt on interpreting a complex issue;oversimplification, this time however on my part.Such situations also sometimes lead to simply passing the buck,the favorite pastime of our revered politicians.2) A girl gets raped(certainly not proud of quoting this example).Whom do you think she should blame;herself or the monster who committed such a heinous act.Someone dies on the road for no fault of his/her just because the other person was drunk. Whom will the victim's family blame? Take your guess.I know that you meant that one should not blame others for one's own mistakes.And in the examples I quoted it was quite evident that the blame clearly lay on the other side. So they certainly don't do much justice to my argument.But the entire beauty of this blame assignment process lies in the fact that those who indulge in it are convinced(to varying extents) that blame lies on the other side. And not everyone has a very pragmatic outlook on these issues. So whether we like it or not but assigning blame is an inherent part of our psyche.And I rest my case now.One more thing, your posts are overtly optimistic and it's really a great thing. Such vindication from my side is certainly not required but still.And write a bit more often as you are a terrific writer(again just stating the obvious).
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have gotten the writer totally wrong. There are various dimensions to every issue, she has clearly talked about the simpler, day-to-day basis issue. The examples you've stated are clearly out of context with regard to the article. Life is not so convoluted after all, it is as simple as you want it to be. She seems to have highlighted the simplicity in this article again, like her previous ones. And stop trying to demean what she writes, like you've done before. If you have so many opinions, why cannot you just simply start your own blog rather than posting such judgmental comments.
ReplyDelete1. Very well written.Eclectic.
ReplyDelete2. Apologies, as I have copied some lines. :P
I hope you don't mind @Vasudha.
3. Commenting as anonymous because I may have violated some intellectual copywright acts.
1. Very well written.Eclectic.
ReplyDelete2. Apologies, as I have copied some lines. :P
I hope you don't mind @Vasudha.
3. Commenting as anonymous because I may have violated some intellectual copywright acts.
1. Very well written.Eclectic.
ReplyDelete2. Apologies, as I have copied some lines. :P
I hope you don't mind @Vasudha.
3. Commenting as anonymous because I may have violated some intellectual copywright acts.