For years now it’s been a ritual
Each morning I look in the mirror
And I tell myself, “I can do it”
“Everything will be alright”
“Count your blessings l”
“You are loved”
“Stay positive”
Don’t break, hang in there
Negativity won’t help
It’ll only make you seem weaker
Don’t let your inner core deplete into shallowness
I could see the void in my eyes
I said to myself again
Don’t break, hang in there
Hang in there just a moment longer
But the cracks were brewing
And I could foresee the explosion
Dark grey smoke crawling in
Pungent viscous thoughts of the dream breaking
My dream; the one that kept me going
It’s okay. I’ll have a new dream, I said to myself
But this time was different
I knew what lay ahead
I was prepared and I wasn’t
One can only do so much
The truth is that to win
One must surrender to the struggle
But the irony lies in the way you define the win
Twisted and malicious
Hurtful and deceitful
Or
Spectacular and shiny
And the glorious champion
I’ve always found struggle so fascinating
The things it does to you and the person it makes
you
How astonishing! Serendipity?
Is it simply fate?
Or is it genuine hard-work and clarity of thoughts
Perseverance and courage
And the right set of choices?
I have tried to seek the answer and I cannot seem
to find it
Or maybe I didn’t try hard enough
Or maybe time will be the testament
And a prophecy will unfold
However, the question remains
In the cycle of metamorphosis
Where am I today?
What now? What next?
Did I really win?
And I am just a mere particle oscillating through the zeros; above and below
Or is this the point where I have finally broken through?
I am now finally on my path; unimpeded and genuine.
Mine; will and creation!
I don’t want to be the winner
For that’s too shallow for me.
I want to be wiser and humbler
And that’s the only form of stability I pursue
The negatives are significant too
They teach you about the limitations you can
create for yourself
Just like how the positives teach you about the
new possibilities
Together they make you bolder; well-fortified
After all this time and through the numerous
whimsical struggles
It was this time that made me embrace myself; truly
Both the known and the unknown
I’m no longer constrained by the highs and lows
A free particle in my own space continuum
For this is my metamorphosis
And I am a butterfly of my own creation;
metanoia!
