Metanoia

For years now it’s been a ritual
Each morning I look in the mirror
And I tell myself, “I can do it”
“Everything will be alright”
“Count your blessings l”
“You are loved”
“Stay positive”

Don’t break, hang in there
Negativity won’t help
It’ll only make you seem weaker
Don’t let your inner core deplete into shallowness
I could see the void in my eyes

I said to myself again
Don’t break, hang in there
Hang in there just a moment longer
But the cracks were brewing
And I could foresee the explosion

Dark grey smoke crawling in
Pungent viscous thoughts of the dream breaking
My dream; the one that kept me going
It’s okay. I’ll have a new dream, I said to myself

But this time was different
I knew what lay ahead
I was prepared and I wasn’t
One can only do so much

The truth is that to win
One must surrender to the struggle
But the irony lies in the way you define the win
Twisted and malicious
Hurtful and deceitful
Or
Spectacular and shiny
And the glorious champion

I’ve always found struggle so fascinating
The things it does to you and the person it makes you
How astonishing! Serendipity?
Is it simply fate?
Or is it genuine hard-work and clarity of thoughts
Perseverance and courage
And the right set of choices?

I have tried to seek the answer and I cannot seem to find it
Or maybe I didn’t try hard enough
Or maybe time will be the testament
And a prophecy will unfold

However, the question remains
In the cycle of metamorphosis
Where am I today?
What now? What next?
Did I really win?

The mathematics of life is a simple sine curve
And I am just a mere particle oscillating through the zeros; above and below
Or is this the point where I have finally broken through?
I am now finally on my path; unimpeded and genuine.
Mine; will and creation!

I don’t want to be the winner
For that’s too shallow for me.
I want to be wiser and humbler
And that’s the only form of stability I pursue

The negatives are significant too
They teach you about the limitations you can create for yourself
Just like how the positives teach you about the new possibilities
Together they make you bolder; well-fortified

After all this time and through the numerous whimsical struggles
It was this time that made me embrace myself; truly
Both the known and the unknown
I’m no longer constrained by the highs and lows
A free particle in my own space continuum
For this is my metamorphosis
And I am a butterfly of my own creation; metanoia!

- Dedicated to all struggles, big or small, that make us who we are and to all the people that provide the warmth and comfort through all times. You all make the struggle seem less difficult.